How to Be There for a Friend When You Can’t Be There
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The older I get, the more important my female friendships are to me. It’s hard to make new friends as an adult, so I try really hard to maintain those friendships I already have. But as we’ve gotten older, we’ve spread our wings and moved farther and farther away from each other. Fortunately, long-distance friendships are possible to maintain.
However, when my long-distance friends are going through one of life’s battles (cancer, illness, death, divorce, etc.), there is nothing I want more than to be there with her and give her a shoulder to cry on. But it isn’t always possible to actually be there sometimes. When I want to be there for my friend, but I can’t physically be there, here are some of the things I do.
1. Give Her Space to Talk
Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to – especially if you are going through a tough time. I try to give my friends the space to talk. I call or video chat after the kids are in bed or during lunch break in private, so I can give her my full attention.
2. Order Food
Food is much-needed sustenance, but if your suffering friend lives far away, you can’t drop off a meal on her doorstep or take her to a restaurant. But there are still plenty of ways you can her with delicious, nutritious food from far away. Consider ordering a meal for her via UberEATS or DoorDash. Order grocery delivery to her home address.
3. Send Funny Notes and Texts
Let her know you’re thinking of her by sending her texts regularly. Try to lift her spirits by sending her funny memes or jokes. Snail mail is also a great option.
4. Brighten Her Day with Flowers
Flowers are a wonderful way to show someone you care. In addition to ordering from an online florist, you can also use delivery services like DoorDash to pick up flowers from local supermarkets.
5. Mail a Care Package
Take time to assemble a package of items that your friend either needs or things that will simply show you know her and love her. For example, if your friend is going through cancer treatments, prepare a package with items that will make treatments easier. If your friend is going through a divorce, send her a package of items that give her a reason to remember she will laugh and love again.
6. Hire Someone to Help
If your friend is overwhelmed and can’t do everything she needs to do, find a way to provide assistance from afar. Does she have a dog she can’t walk? Look into hiring a dog walker via Rover. Does she need help with cleaning her home? See if you can find a house cleaning service. Is mowing the lawn too difficult? Hire a landscaping company to do a one-time cleanup.
7. Create a Playlist
A simple and easy way to show your friend you are thinking of her is to create a Spotify playlist just for her. Find songs that will inspire her and encourage her to keep fighting. Every time she plays it, she will feel a little better and will be reminded of her long-distance BFF.
8. Enjoy a Shared Interest
Take her mind off what she’s going through with a shared distraction. Suggest watching a new show together using the Netflix watch party feature. Find a book you can both read and then plan a time to discuss it with one another.
9. Help Her Relax
While you may not be able to go on a girl’s spa weekend with your friend, you can still help her feel pampered from far away. Put together a gift package full of at-home spa supplies. Or present her with a gift certificate to visit a local spa or nail salon for some much-needed R&R.
10. Don’t Wait for Her to Ask
My final tip is to not wait for your friend to ask for help. Too often, we have good intentions and say something like, “Let me know if you need any help.” The problem is that it can be hard to ask for help when you are going through something difficult. Instead of putting it on your friend to ask for help, look for ways you can help her and do them.
