No More Feeling Guilty for No Reason

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Have you ever lost sleep because of something seemingly small that you did or did not do? Every woman I know has second-guessed herself at some time because she is afraid she has hurt someone’s feelings or let someone down. When you are a working mom, you feel guilty for not doing enough with your kids at home. When you are a stay at home mom, you feel guilty for not doing enough to provide financially.

If you feel guilty more often than you would like, you are not alone. 96% of women feel ashamed at least once a day. That’s crazy! It’s no wonder this generation of women feels stressed out all the time. We are carrying around tons of guilt baggage for things we shouldn’t even feel guilty about doing or saying.

Women, It’s Time to Trash the Guilt Once and For All

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After seeing how guilt does nothing but inhibit me at home, in relationships and the workplace, I am done. I want to get rid of feeling guilty over things that I shouldn’t. I’m sick of saying “I’m sorry” all the time for things I don’t even actually need to apologize for.

I caught myself recently feeling guilty and apologizing to someone recently, and after gaining some perspective realized I had not done anything wrong. They should have been the ones apologizing to me! Why do we do that?

Now that I am more aware of my personal issue, I have done my homework so I can tackle it when it strikes at unnecessary moments.

Here is My No-Guilt Game Plan

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Look for Reasons - First, I am going to look for the reasons. IS there any actual reason for me to feel guilty? If there is, then I need to do what needs to be done to make it right. If not, then I need to accept that this is not my burden.

Identify the Feelings Behind the Guilt – Next, I will question where the feelings of guilt are coming from. Often, we feel guilty because we are really feeling overwhelmed or angry. What are my true feelings about the situation?

Shake It Off – If it was not my fault or was just something minor, I will choose to SHAKE IT OFF. Carrying around guilt baggage will only make life harder. If you can quickly move on, you will be much better for it.

Be Clear with Your Expectations and Limits – Next, I plan to be upfront about my expectations and limitations. This way people cannot expect me to do more and I will not be made to feel guilty because I have been clear about what I can and cannot do.

Accept Imperfection – Finally, I will stop being so hard on myself. There is no perfect woman – myself included. Rather than placing unrealistic expectations on myself, I am going to strive to do the best I can each day and be proud of what I achieved in my 24 hours instead of focusing on what I didn’t do.

Who else is tired of feeling guilty all the time? What is your game plan for tackling guilt?

When a Potential Employer Ghosts You

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I’m going to be super vulnerable here. Recently, I was ghosted after a string of job interviews with a company I was really interested in. Even worse – they seemed really interested in me! I interviewed with a company for over two months and four interviews.  We talked about pay, how my workday will be, etc. The hiring manager was supposed to get back to me about the package and the offer, and then I heard nothing. #Ghosted

What to Do If You’ve Been Ghosted After a Job Interview

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As ridiculous as ghosting a potential employee after an interview is, it happens all the time. You are not the only one who has been ghosted in this way. According to Career Builder, more than half of job candidates say they do not hear back from companies at all.

Before you feel any embarrassment or shame, know that upfront. As I am walking through this myself, here are some things I am doing to help me deal with it.

  • Feel Your Feelings. It happened, and you are allowed to feel upset about it. Allow yourself to be upset by a potential employer giving you hope and then disappearing.

  • Don’t Rage Online or Send Hate Mail. However, don’t allow your disappointment to guide your decision-making. For instance, while you have every reason to be upset and angry, it is never a good idea to blast a company online or to send an angry email. Vent to your friends and family – but do not vent online. It can come back to haunt you.

  • Don’t Give into Negative Self Talk. A potential employer ghosting you does not mean you had a bad interview. Don’t allow this person’s lack of courtesy to lead you down a spiral of self-criticism or self-doubt.

  • Don’t Give Up on Finding an Even Better Job. If a company ghosted you, then you don’t want to work for them anyway. Trust me. There are employers who will value you. Don’t give up the search.

It Says More About Them Than It Does You

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Ghosting interviewees says much more about the company than it does you. If companies are so big that they do not have the time to send a quick email to let you know they are going with someone else, then this is a company you don’t want to be an employee of anyway. It speaks volume of the work culture.

There May Be an Actual Reason for the Silence

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However, it is also important to remember that there may be legitimate reasons you have not heard back. For example, the hiring process may be taking much longer than the company anticipated. Or, the company may have a “no feedback” policy for interviews.

What to Do to Help Avoid Being Ghosted

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Now that you have felt the burn of being ghosted after an interview, you want to make sure you don’t feel that pain again. Unfortunately, you cannot control someone else’s actions. But you can take control of the questions you ask regarding the hiring process in your next job interview. Here are a few things you can do that will help you avoid being ghosted after a job interview:

  • Ask about the hiring timeline.

  • Ask if they will let candidates know if they did not make it to the next round of interviews.

  • Ask what the deadline is for making a job offer.

  • Ask if they will notify candidates that they are going with another candidate as a courtesy.

  • Send a handwritten thank you that also expresses your interest in the job position after the interview.

Have you ever been ghosted during a job search? What was your experience like?

15 Ways to Achieve a Healthy and Happy Work/Life Balance

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As a working woman, I learned early on the importance of maintaining a healthy work/life balance. If I don’t, it becomes very obvious that I am juggling too many plates at one time. So, I have worked hard at trying to be the best at my job when I am at work and the best mom and spouse I can be when I am at home.

Here’s the thing. Nowadays, I am proud of my work/life balance. However, it didn’t happen naturally. I had to be intentional. Here are the things I do that help me be my best self at home and work:

1. Plan ahead.

Calendars and planners are your friends. Use them. Make a note of when you have big work projects on the shared calendar, so you know not to schedule important family events during this same time.

2. Talk with your spouse at the beginning of each month.

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At the beginning of each month, look over the calendar together with your spouse. Many families use family calendar apps. While these are great, I find it is still helpful to actually talk about what lies ahead and make plans for childcare, date nights, and me time in advance.

3. Change your clothes.

Your work wardrobe should not be your all-the-time wear. As soon as you get home from work, change into lounge wear. This signifies to your family and your body that you are off the clock.

4. Have designated hours at home for work.

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Most people will be required to do some work at home. The problem is too often we lose control of the amount of time we are working at home. Instead, have a set time to do work-related tasks at home.

5. Enjoy your weekends.

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To maintain work/life balance, you have to have a life! So, enjoy your weekends! Find ways to relax and do things you love with the people you love on your days off each week.

6. Take vacations.

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Speaking of days off, you absolutely have to use your vacation days! More than half of Americans leave vacation days unused. Don’t let this be you. You must take vacations with your family. And, those moms reading this post should take kid-free vacations throughout the year to stay sane.

7. Use alarms.

Time can easily get away from us if we let it. Instead, make use of the alarm on your phone. Whenever you have a small work task, set the alarm so you don’t wind up doing more than you should.

8. Stay healthy.

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If you want to be your best self at home and work, then you have to prioritize your health. Eat well, sleep well, and exercise.

9. Learn to say no.

Ladies, I cannot say it enough – you have to learn to say no! If the boss asks you to do something that is not part of your job description, say no. If your family asks you to handle one more thing, say no.

10. Have set “me time.”

Add “me time” to your calendar and do not feel guilty about it! You need time for yourself. Period. Whether this is time in the evening for a glass of wine and a bath or a night out with your girlfriends, it is important.

11. Leave work on time.

This is a hard one for many of us, but you should make it a habit of leaving work on time. Again, set an alarm that reminds you it is time to wrap things up. Announce to colleagues that you will be leaving at 5 pm so if they have anything pressing, they need to tell you beforehand.

12. Escape the office.

As often as possible, escape the office for your breaks. Eat lunch outside or in a totally different setting.

13. Set work boundaries.

Good bosses know you have a life outside of work, but they still may need a reminder that when you are on vacation, they need to leave you alone. For instance, tell colleagues you will only be checking email in the morning and not taking phone calls.

14. Make time for the things you love.

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Nothing will make you feel more like yourself than doing the things you love. So, it is important to look at the calendar and see where you can squeeze in time to take part in some of your favorite hobbies.

15. Give your loved ones some attention.

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Last but not least, make every effort to give your loved ones your full attention for a little bit of time each day. It is so easy to try to multi-task when you are busy, but for a few minutes, put the phone down and look your loved ones in the eye.